Rock N’ Shock 2013 Recap: Day 1.

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Every year for the past four or five years, I’ve made a point to drop by the annual Rock N’ Shock Convention in my beloved-but-often-teased hometown of Worcester, Massachusetts. Rock N’ Shock, a 3-day gathering and celebration of all things horror, offers attendees the chance to meet legendary horror icons while introducing them to aspiring and up-and-coming artists, filmmakers, apparel and accessory companies, writers, and genre-appreciating personalities through various booths and panels.

This year’s festivities, celebrating ten years of success, kicked off last night. I was fortunate enough to get V.I.P. access for the weekend, and headed to the convention center after work to dive right in with my dear friend (‘boo!”) Mike, and his lovely friend Amber, who were stopping by for the night. After a brief walk-through of the area to familiarize myself with the layout of where everything and everyone was located, we headed to the celebrity area to check things out.

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Amber, Lew, me, and Mike- getting our 'stache brigade on.

Amber, Lew, me, and Mike- getting our ‘stache brigade on.

It should come as no surprise to anyone that I was really excited to see some of the cast (and former cast members) of The Walking Dead: Michael Rooker (Merle Dixon,) whom I professed my love to for the second time this year, and who remains one of the funniest people I’ve ever had the pleasure of speaking to. Scott Wilson (Hershel Greene,) who was so sweet- and yes- still has two legs, IronE Singleton (T-Dog!) who’s humble, appreciative demeanor was inspiring- and Lew Temple (Axel,) who had so much personality and one hell of a mustache. Not content with being the only one rocking one so ferociously, he insisted on the above ‘stache brigade picture. Poor Mike’s hair wasn’t long enough to fake one.

As if talking to and laughing with these incredible actors and people wasn’t enough, I had a shot of nostalgia in the form of N’Sync’s Joey Fatone being in the building. Now, I know I literally JUST ripped apart the movie “Inkubus” in my last entry, but I have to give credit where credit is due. I loved N’Sync when I was in my early teens (okay, and even now. “Tearin’ Up My Heart” is still my jam,) and Joey Fatone being such a personable, down-to-Earth, and very funny guy reduced me into a giddy fourteen year old girl.

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You see that face? That’s the face of someone whose teenage dream just came true.

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Now, although I absolutely love to rip apart bad movies and shitty acting, I’m not one to speak badly about anyone personally- unless it’s 100% justified. People have bad days, and sometimes you catch them at the wrong time and they say or do things they don’t necessarily mean. It’s only human- and I can absolutely understand and excuse that. What I’m about to say, however, I feel is completely justified. Eric Roberts was also in attendance last night, and having enjoyed his work in various movies and his appearance in two of my favorite Killers’ music videos to date- I stopped by to say hi.

Eric was seated at a table with a group of people from the upcoming “Army of the Damned” movie, between two of the lead actors, and myself, having not heard a thing about it until that moment, had innocently assumed he was in it, too (why the fuck would he be sitting at the middle of the table otherwise?) This was apparently a gross offense to Mr. Roberts, who went from looking bored with being there to being annoyed and extremely rude to Mike and I. I tried to brush it off, asking if he’d pose for a picture, which he seemed fine with until he flat-out YELLED at Mike while he was two inches away from me for the way he was holding the camera- hence my look of discomfort in the above photo. I ended up rolling my eyes and walking away, completely disgusted.

Like I said, people have bad days and that’s fine- but I feel that if you’re being paid to promote whatever B-level horror movie you’re in (or not in, apparently,) and the people who are responsible for your success (i.e.-  fans, obviously) are there to continually support your artistic endeavors- the least you can do is grin and bear it and try to not be a complete dickhead in their presence. My take away from the experience is that every story I’ve ever heard or read about Eric Roberts being an ungrateful asshole were 100% true. His ass needs to go back to “Celebrity Rehab” so Dr. Drew can straighten him out.

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To end my night on a high note, however, I got to attend the hour long “Walking Dead: Dearly Departed” panel before I left for home. The Q&A, featuring Michael, Lew, and IronE, was comical and pretty interesting as they discussed how the show changed their lives, their favorite scenes to film, the filming process itself, and their thoughts on the current season and it’s story lines. It was a blast.

I’m getting ready to head back to the convention again this evening to check out the artists gallery, hopefully pick up some cool stuff along the way, and see who else I run into.

Horrors of Netflix: “Inkubus”

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InkubusMoviePosterIt’s nearly impossible not to love Robert Englund. He’s Freddy Krueger, for God’s sake- one of the most recognizable, memorable, witty-yet-terrifying horror movie villains of all time. What other villain could make sleep- one of the best things in the world- such a frightening thing? What other villain could take on Jason Vorhees, and, in my opinion- completely kick his ass? What other villain could make that striped Christmas-esque sweater look so chic?

Not Michael Myers. I can tell you that much.

Robert Englund is the star of “Inkubus,” a gem I found on Netflix, and judging by the cover, knew I had to watch and dissect. A brief summary, courtesy of Netflix:

“A group of cops stuck on the night shift find themselves thrust into a world of supernatural brutality when a man claiming to be a demon named Inkubus wanders into the precinct house, holding a bloody severed head and looking to settle an old score.”

Alright. It sounds a little over the top and ridiculous- but how bad can it be, right?

Oh. Joey Fatone’s in it.

… Shit.

FOR NARNIA.

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Horrors of Netflix: “Lizzie”

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LizzieMoviePosterAfter suffering through “Dead End” and wondering what the hell I was thinking when I decided to do these reviews throughout the month of October, I once again found myself perusing through the horror section of Netflix, cracking up at the movie posters and cringing at the brief plot outlines. I stopped when I saw the poster for “Lizzie.”

An overview, via Netflix:

“The brutal 1892 hatchet murders of the infamous Lizzie Borden acquittal come alive when present-day Lizzie Allen moves back into her childhood home. Suffering from amnesia, she struggles to uncover the mysteries of her youth — and the distant past.”

Sounds terrible enough for me- and- wait, what’s that? Gary Busey is in this?

Well then, what are we waiting for?!

And like always whenever I write a movie review, this post will include some detailed spoilers, so if for whatever reason you feel compelled to actually sit through “Lizzie,” don’t continue reading.

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Horrors of Netflix: “Dead End”

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DeadEndMoviePosterI haven’t done a movie review in a while, mostly because the majority of movies I’ve seen in recent months have fallen under the action and/or comedy category, and critiquing horror films is really more of my forte. Thankfully, with Halloween approaching, there is no shortage of scary movies to be found, be they in theaters or on television. My favorite collection, however, lies in the seedy underworld that is the Netflix queue. You see, Netflix, while having a brilliant selection of movies and compelling TV series available for viewing- is also a treasure trove for some of the worst, the cheapest, the absolute most unwatchable movies and shows in the history of film and television. This rings especially true in the horror movie category.

I love cheesy horror movies almost as much, if not more, than I love genuinely well-made horror movies or cult classics. I like watching the particular bad ones with a group of friends, which almost always turns the screening into something right out of “Mystery Science Theater 3000,” with all of us laughing at and/or adding commentary during the movie.

That being said, I decided to get into the Halloween spirit this month by selecting some of these unquestionably bad horror movies on my Netflix queue, suffering through them, and reviewing them for your (and my) pleasure. I’m calling this series of posts “Horrors of Netflix,” and first up on the list is 2003’s “Dead End.”

I’ve seen “Dead End” before. More than once, actually. The first time was with friends, back when Blockbuster Video was still an active thing and not a relic from the past that people can look at in museums these days to learn about ancient civilizations, We had been looking for a horror movie to pass a lazy Saturday night and the cover to “Dead End” caught our attention.

The second time I watched this movie was days after the first time, when I wanted to confirm that it really was as bad as I’d originally thought and that I hadn’t hallucinated it’s terribleness or anything.

Needless to say, when it popped up on Netflix, I was pretty excited to get the opportunity to watch it in all it’s awful glory one more time to kick things off for this series of reviews.

Please be warned, this review will contain spoilers. If you DO NOT want to know how this movie ends, do not click the link below.

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Review: “The Last Exorcism Part II”

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TheLastExorcismIIPosterI have a bad habit when it comes to movie sequels: if I’ve seen the first one, then I have to see them all until the series is done- even if the movies get progressively more and more terrible (case in point: the “Paranormal Activity” movies, or the “Saw” series). I suppose it’s just because I don’t like to leave anything, not just movies, unfinished. If I start something, I need to see it through to the end.

I’ll just say it now: I thought “The Last Exorcism”, the first one (which makes the sequel title more than a little silly), was boring and predictable. The plot itself wasn’t actually too terrible: A disillusioned minister, who has perfected the art of “faking” exorcisms to ail people having emotional and psychological episodes, is called in to help a teenage girl, Nell, who is thought to be possessed in Louisiana (of course it’d take place in Louisiana) . Thinking it will be a run of the mill job, he allows a filming crew who are making a documentary to follow him so he can show just how fraudulent exorcisms are. It goes without saying that things go bad very quickly. The bible-thumping Bayou folk don’t take kindly to the minister or his film crew, there’s a pretty good chance Nell is legitimately possessed by an actual demon, and as the minister tries to save Nell, and himself, he uncovers a slew of secrets about the girl’s family, and the town itself.

Promising premise. Poor execution. The movie wasn’t scary (even the actual exorcism scene was boring, with the exception of some bone cracking that made all of us in the theater a little uncomfortable), and the ending left everyone scratching their heads in confusion or shaking their heads in frustration because of how rushed and thrown together it was. It’s available right now on Netflix, if any of you feel inclined to check it out for yourselves.

Regardless, the film did well enough in theaters that they made a sequel, and last night, I headed out to see it with a friend.

*CAUTION: CLICK AT YOUR OWN RISK. INTENSIVE SPOILERS AFTER THE CUT.*

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Review: “Mama”

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MamaPosterLet me just go ahead and get this out of the way right now: I love Guillermo del Toro. I will watch pretty much anything that has his name attached to it. His style of story-telling and his direction methods make for beautiful and compelling films. I feel weird even just calling them films, to be honest. They’re so much more than that. They’re art, plain and simple. He is an artist- and a brilliant one at that.

Although I’m a  fan of his more well-known and critically acclaimed hits, “Blade 2”, the “Hellboy” movies, and “Pan’s Labyrinth”- I’d say one of my all-time favorites has got to be “The Orphange” (in which he was executive producer). I remember being so thoroughly creeped out and moved by the end of it that I could barely hold a conversation with my friends after we’d watched it. I had gotten so wrapped up in the story that when it was over, I was spent.

I’ve been anticipating “Mama” for a while now. Another executive producing endeavor from del Toro, the previews for it made it look like a visually stunning and scary supernatural thriller. Led by Hollywood’s current favorite leading lady, Jessica Chastain, sporting a rather unusual haircut, it already seemed more promising than my last trip to the cinema had been.

WARNING: THERE ARE EXTENSIVE SPOILERS AFTER THE CUT. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.

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Review: “Texas Chainsaw 3D”

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TexasChainsawMassacre3DApart from “The Walking Dead”, my favorite horror franchise is, without a doubt, “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”. That’s not to say I’ve enjoyed every movie in the series (I like to pretend “The Next Generation” never happened. Sorry, Matthew McConaughey and Renée Zellweger!), but the original 1974 film, which was completely unique for it’s time, coupled with the fact that the actual making of it was bordering snuff film territory- will forever make it a creepy classic that can’t be topped.

And I may be in the minority here, but I thoroughly enjoyed the 2003 re-boot starring Jessica Biel, as well as the 2006 prequel, “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning”. I thought both films were genuinely scary, with just the right amount of gore to make you cringe without being desensitized. They had plots that seemed to have had some actual thought put into them, and they were brilliantly cast. R. Lee Ermey’s ruthless, sadistic, and foul-mouthed Sheriff Hoyt will forever be one of horror’s greatest villains.

So when it was announced that there would be a new installment in the series, I was skeptical. There’s only so many ways to make a family of hillbilly cannibals with a penchant for power tools new and fresh without re-making the original (again), and you can’t really develop long-standing fan favorites like Leatherface without completely changing the franchise’s history. I thought the way the prequel ended was excellent. It tied everything, the re-boot, the 1974 original, and every film afterwards, even the bad ones- together perfectly.

When it was announced the new installment would also be in 3D, my skepticism turned into downright cynicism. I’ve said it in the past that 3D is used entirely too much in movies where it’s not really necessary, but in horror films? It’s almost always cheesy*. Case in point: “My Bloody Valentine 3D”.

*I did enjoy “Saw 3D: The Final Chapter”, but I will openly admit that I was biased, as seeing Sean Patrick Flanery in 3D is an experience every woman should have at some point in their lives- and that adorable Jigsaw puppet in 3D completely cracked me up.

Regardless, I am a dedicated fan of TCM, and on Friday night, I headed to the cinema with my friend Stef to catch a screening of “Texas Chainsaw 3D”. I wasn’t expecting much, but I also wasn’t expecting… Well, this…

WARNING: AHOY. AHEAD THERE BE SPOILERS. CLICK AT YOUR OWN RISK.

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